broke down today in my room. im clearly a lamer

but anyway managed to work out some stuffs in my little head and i guess im feeling much better now. i really dun understand why it is that everytime i get hurt or sad i go running to God and He shows me so clearly that He is the only one that i can put my trust and hope in and the only one who can make my world spin on the right axis and the giver of all joy but once im ok i go happily back to my own way of living and ignore His pleas for me to look to Him first ALWAYS. and then it all happens again because clearly without God, i am nothing, and all the amusing incidents or poeple in the world can never take the place of my eternal God who is the giver of all good things, including joy and peace and hope and love. indeed, we are dust and in His great mercy He knows our frames and recognizes that we are but dust and so forgives us over and over again. but there is always this fear in my heart that one day i will push Him too far and He will nver come back to me. i think i would die. but well i really hope and pray that day never comes and yeah after all He promised that He will never leave me nor forsake me and i cling on to that promise. just hope that i will not be stupid and stray away from Him again.and i think maybe i need someone to be accountable to as uncle andrew said, accountibility is the best form of keeping yourself in check but its just tt i guess i am not able to trust anyone enough to tell them whats really wrong and whats bothering me. dunno la. i guess marcus was right when he told me last time tt i was too insecure to share with others because i didnt want them see me when i am weak. the world corrupts and the Spirit of God cleanses. i hope i remeber that this time around!

my greatest love is You